


Dragon heart strings

by WhisperingSweetNothings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, My First Work in This Fandom, Pining, Scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 7,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26802517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingSweetNothings/pseuds/WhisperingSweetNothings
Summary: Felix Rosier and you go way back. It takes 15 years before you meet after he left Hogwarts and, well, you still want this beautiful person, after all this time.
Relationships: Felix Rosier/Original Female Character(s), Felix Rosier/You, Player Character/Felix Rosier
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

“Here.” It’s Felix Rosier who sweeps his coat around my shoulders and gives me a piece of chocolate. He looks worried. I cast a thankful glance to him and pull the coat closer around my shivering body. Clandestinely, I pull the dark woollen fabric closer to my nose and smell sandalwood, pine, parchment, fresh laundry, and something that smells musky... manly... intoxicating; an expensive perfume, perhaps. He smells amazing. The coat, I mean. I swallow dryly and feel Felix’ gaze on me. “Are you doing ok, Noir? You look like we should take you to Madam Pomfrey.” His dark eyes bore into mine. “I’m fine”, I mumble and lean back, feeling the exhaustion take over my body before it consumes me and the darkness surrounds me.


	2. Wallowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’re just wallowing in the past and what could have been. As one does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still feeling kinda... uncertain about this.  
> This fic is just a drabble. And please be kind, whoever is reading this, as English isn’t my first language. Way more typos and errors to come. 
> 
> Maybe leave a comment or kudos if you like it and want me to continue?
> 
> I also have a bad Draco/OFC fic from maybe 8 years ago (oh dear, I’m getting old?). Might upload that one some day too.

I’m definitely in the hospital wing. No doubt about it. My gaze wanders through the room, finally resting on the coat that’s been put over the back of the chair next to my bed. Felix. Bevor I can think about him and what he did, Madam Pomfrey stops at my bed. “Miss Noir! So good that you’re awake. Your friends have been worried sick.” She points to Felix’ coat. “Especially Mr Rosier refused to leave your side.”  
I nod, totally, 100 percent, overwhelmed.  
“Just sleep a little. Maybe you can return to your common room tomorrow.”  
Without putting up a fight, I close my eyes and try not to think about that certain person who just happened to leave his coat here. 

Groggily, I wake up. The coat is gone and I actually feel... better? Madam Pomfrey lets me leave the hospital wing and I can’t wait to see my friends for dinner. Rowan is the first one to spot me. “(Y/n)!” Out of the corner of my eye, I see some heads turning, one of them being that of a certain someone with brown, immaculately parted hair.  
I sit down between Rowan and Barnaby, who takes me into his arms and doesn’t seem to want to let go. I chuckle and finally manage to escape from his bear hug and... barely catch that pair of dark brown eyes, that had been resting on my face, look the other way. 

“Amortentia is a potent love potion. Miss Noir, what does it smell like?” Snape’s stare is remorseless. “It depends. The potion smells different to everybody, it depends on your innermost desires.”  
Snape murmurs something about house points for Slytherin before he lets us brew the potion.  
When it’s done, It smells exactly like I feared it would: sandalwood, a distinct perfume, parchment, and pines. Felix. As if Snape noticed my discomfort, he makes me tell everybody in class what it smells like to me. Bastard.  
“Old books, vanilla, and the ocean”, I lie and smile. Even if Felix isn’t around, I don’t need to embarrass myself in front of my classmates. 

“I really hope we’ll see each other again, (y/n).”  
That were Felix Rosier’s last words to me when he graduated. And now 15 years have passed. Fifteen. Years. And I still think way too often about these dark brown eyes, the memorable face with the ridiculously high cheekbones and his brown, always perfectly parted hair. Wondering what would have happened if he had just stayed a tad longer. You could probably say that my crush was something I still hadn’t gotten over. Probably the truth.  
The last thing I heard was that he, years ago, gotten a job as a dragonolist in Romania.  
Lost in my thoughts, I stare at the black coffee in my mug and finally down it all so I won’t be late for work at the ministry.  
No point in wallowing in the past, even if it is, or rather: was, beautiful.


	3. What goes around comes around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inevitable happens.

I curse under my breath when some man runs into me and makes me drop all the folders, papers scattering across the floor.  
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t really see you... just let me help...”  
My heart clenches and I actually feel close to dying when I recognise the deep voice and barely dare to turn around. 

Afraid, that my daydreams had gotten so bad that I imagine him being here, at work. When I finally do... he’s standing in front of me. Felix Rosier. I can only stare.  
He looks like he did 15 years ago, except that his hair is streaked with grey, a tad longer, and there’s a long scar running across his cheek and that forbidden cheekbone. Apart from that? Still perfection. He looks ravishing. Something flutters in my stomach and I can’t remember how to speak. Several seconds pass.  
„Are you okay?“ Felix looks at me sceptically, his voice deep and sounding like he just started doubting my intellectual capabilities, since I haven’t managed to say a single word. His gaze wanders over my face, he’s frowning. Suddenly I realise and it’s an insight that stabs a blunt knife into my heart: he doesn’t recognise me. 

I can’t stop the sad smile from spreading and take the folders he’s been holding for god knows how long.  
„Thought I got on your nerves so much and lost a decent amount of house points so I wouldn’t be forgotten.“ It sounds so bitter to my own ears. Vulnerable, hurt. I really, really hope he doesn’t notice the pained friendliness.  
But apparently, he suddenly remembers. His eyes widen, he steps closer to put a hand on my arm. (Y/n) Noir?!“  
I can only nod.  
A wide smile appears on his beautiful face that makes my heart do somersaults.  
And he still smells like sandalwood, pines, parchment, and perfume. Fuck. My mind goes immediately back to that god forsaken Potions class. Amortentia. How is it possible? Why is he even here? Of all places? Running me over?

As if reading my mind, he loudly wonders how it’s possible to meet here, gently squeezing my arm. His dark brown eyes fixate me again, now with something... new shining in them. I’m so glad I’m carrying the folders, so I won’t do anything stupid. Like just falling into his arms, refusing to leave.  
„I’ve been working for the ministry. Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Seven years now“, I finally blurt out.  
Felix‘ smile turns into a grin that he apparently couldn’t contain.  
„The irony!“, he huffs, since I broke every rule at Hogwarts at least once during my time there. His laughter that finally emerges is so contagious that I can’t stop a chuckle of my own.  
„I’m starting at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Been in Romania for the past 13 years. Dragons, you know?“ I nod. „That’s also why I have these...“ Felix gestures at the scar in his face, before he shows me his strong, creamy (focus!) underarms that are covered in many, many scars. But, and here my mind stutters, there isn’t a Black Mark. Something warm spreads in my chest since he – even though his parents had been Death Eaters – made the right choice. This feeling doesn’t last long, though, because I start inspecting the scars and gasp. It’s bad. Many look so deep and painful that I make a face before I can stop it.  
The thought that he put his life at stake for his job tears at my heart. I don’t like it.  
Apparently, he misjudges my reaction. A sad smile appears on his face.  
„Believe it or not, but I have several more of these. Not exactly aesthetically pleasing, I know.“

I want to protest and tell him that he’s even more beautiful than he was back at Hogwarts, 15 years ago, but my best friend and colleague distracts me by putting an unexpected arm around my waist, suddenly reminding me that I actually have a meeting to attend. „(Y/n)!“ Chester Davies smiles brightly, oblivious to the situation he just stumbled into. I try to remember what talking is and clear my throat before gesturing to Felix. „Chester! You remember Felix, right?“  
The men stare each other down before shaking hands. Back then, at Hogwarts, they’d been rivals and now... well. It doesn’t seem like they are thrilled to meet again, to put it mildly. And Chester knows about my crush which doesn’t exactly help. He endured so many hours of me gushing and pining and suffering for Felix and judging from this situation, he’s in for it again.  
„We need to go, (y/n).“  
Chester puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me with him before I can utter a single intelligible sentence. I cast a last glance at Felix. It’s been five minutes and I feel like the school girl I was back then, ridiculously in love with the Slytherin prefect who‘s way out of her league.


	4. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being in love just sucks.

Felix is just standing there, impeccably dressed, as always, in a tailored suit. He seems so lost at this Christmas party, being the ‘new’ one. I really hope that my boss stops talking soon, so I can go to him. I WANT to be the one who starts talking to him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Charlotte approaching him – blonde, wavy hair, endless legs, dimples; never not flirting. A colleague I wish had stayed home. She looks like Felix is her next target. I know her type and how many men she’s managed to get into her bed. I’m suffering. I can’t help but curse internally and blush when Felix looks at me and doesn’t look away. Before I can do anything, he looks at Charlotte again. It really feels like choking, my fake smile will die any second now. Even if I wanted to,I can’t say a word.  
I just down all of my champagne, desperate.  
I get a new one and search the room for a friendly face. Chester. I’m ridiculously thankful for him hugging me and kissing my cheek. He looks at me and seems content. “You look amazing. Are you enjoying yourself?”  
He raises his glass and grins cheekily. I wish I could concentrate on him, but nothing can obscure the fact, that Felix and Charlotte are talking, laughing, enjoying each other’s company.  
“Nothing new, huh?” I finally say. Chester laughs and puts his arm around my shoulders, observing everything. I just stay silent. Can’t talk about what’s bothering me. The unrequited feelings, for example.


	5. A not so happy new year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda cathartic to write about a new year. You have no idea how much I wish for 2020 to be over. 
> 
> Also thanks to the sweet people who left kudos. 🤍

Nothing. New. Even though Chester had to endure so many nights with me clinging onto him, sobbing into his chest – heartbreaks aren’t exactly easy when you’re young and in love for the first time –, he seems blissfully ignorant:  
“Oh, Charlotte found herself new prey”, he just states and looks at the aforementioned and Felix who seems to *enjoy* the attention he’s getting. Charlotte really doesn’t hold back – twirling her hair around her finger, looking up at him from under her eye lashes, softly biting her bottom lip. Hell, even I probably couldn’t resist. 

Before I can make a snide comment about him maybe feeling super horny after spending so many years with, you know, dragons, I bite the inside of my cheek, revelling in the pain that momentarily distracts me from my aching heart. “It would seem so”, I mumble softly.   
Chester whips his head around to stare at me, shock and pity clear on his face.   
“Please don’t tell me that you *still* have feelings for him, (y/n)”, he practically begs. I lower my gaze and shrug, my silence deafening.   
“Honey... How much time has passed? 14 years? And you still want him?” “15 years”, I correct and ignore his apparent disdain for Felix. Not being able to stand watching Felix and his new girlfriend any longer, I turn around to Chester who just pulls me against his broad chest and kisses my forehead before letting go. “He’s a Slytherin and a Rosier. You know that. What it means. Cold as ice, callous, greasy, ...”  
Something inside me snaps. Felix is not like this.   
“Chester, don’t you think that you can maybe hold back a little here? I know you don’t like his guts.”  
“His parents were Death Eaters. Fully supporting You-know-who. He probably fought with them. Against us.”  
“No”, I answer sharply and tell him that I’ve seen his forearms. Scarred, yes, but otherwise unblemished.   
“Well, maybe he did manage to make one good decision. Good for him.”  
I roll my eyes and playfully nudge his arm with my elbow before sipping my drink.

It’s been weeks since the Christmas party that was followed by the usual holiday break. I wish I could say I enjoyed it. In truth, I spent way too many hours replaying the party in my head. It’s been 15 years, Felix is back, and somehow it’s worse than before. Nothing like being reminded that things might never change. Forever trapped in this hell of a vicious circle. 

Being back at work therefore makes me... anxious. It doesn’t exactly help that I’m on my way to his department right now to discuss some details regarding an important file. I just hope that I don’t have to face Felix. Maybe he’s taken another day off?

Obviously, my prayers remain unheard. Of course he’s sitting at his desk, looking rather casual in a black turtleneck and slacks – as casual as a Rosier can look, at least. Casual and ridiculously beautiful. He’s studying a document, head bowed, a strand of hair falling into his eyes that I desperately want to brush back.   
My emotions are all over the place. Before I can stop it, I’m replaying how Charlotte and Felix interacted. Those moments of perfectly executed flirtation, two beautiful people clearly meant for each other. I swallow around the lump in my throat, clenching my jaw. 

The clicking of my heels on the stone floor makes him look up immediately. “He probably expects Charlotte”, my brain helpfully provides. Suddenly the envelope in my hand seems a lot more interesting. Anything to not look up and see the disappointment in his eyes when it’s only me and not the woman he so clearly awaits. 

“(Y/n)! Happy new year!” Hearing the smile in Felix’ voice makes me look up. He looks genuinely happy to see me and it throws me off. “Felix”, I nod and wish him the same.   
“Have a nice party?”   
I think back to celebrating at Chester’s, standing on the balcony, unkissed, thinking about a certain someone with greyish brown hair and dark brown eyes. ‘Nice’ isn’t exactly how I’d describe it but I can hardly tell him about it, can I?  
“Uh, yeah, Chester’s place as usual, you know. You?” I kinda don’t want to know and what he says next confirms my hunch. Felix clenches his jaw (why?) before he states that he celebrated at Charlotte’s. Of course. The fake smile I plaster on my face hurts. It feels like dying. Actually I *wish* I could just cease to exist. It hurts. So bad. My fake smile grows wider and I just nod. Not trusting my voice because there’s a solid chance I might start to cry any second now.   
Felix’ eyes bore into mine. Searching for something?! Before either of us can say anything, I feel a hand on my back and turn around to very green eyes. Never been happier to see Barnaby, to be honest. 

“Barnes!“, my fake smile turns into a genuine one. He hugs me tightly. “So nice to see you”, I add and step back again. Barnaby nods to Felix and shakes his hand. The latter just looks at us, trying to figure something out.   
“How come that you made it to this little place of ours? Full of longing?”   
The blood immediately leaves my face, absolutely terrified of what he implies. Does he KNOW? Unable to reply anything I just stare at him. The mischief in his eyes finally gives him away and my confidence returns. Close call.   
“You know I can hardly resist you, Barnes”, I tease and roll my eyes.   
“Can you believe that, Rosier? Always teasing me but never agreeing to go on a date with me”, Barnaby laughs and winks at me.   
Felix laughs along but it sounds strained. Finally feeling like I have control over the situation again, I just smile tersely and shrug. “Better luck next time maybe?” I know already that I’d never go on a date with him. Again, that is. Yes, we went on a date in year 4, yes, he’s a charming guy, sweet too. But he’s a serial flirter too. Maybe I should introduce him to Charlotte some day. If she and Felix aren’t... I stop that train of thought right there. Too painful. 

I look at the two men in front of me. It’s actually not the most genius insight but I can’t believe how elegant Felix is, mostly because of his tall, slim frame and the filigrane bone structure of his face. Especially now, standing next to Barnaby who just seems to be made out of muscle. Felix looks aristocratic, demanding respect. I feel his eyes on my face and have another not so genius insight: I’ve been staring. I clear my throat awkwardly and just hold the envelope out in front of me. “Can someone have a look at this and take care of the final details? Not exactly time sensitive but I’d like to get this off my desk soon.” I basically turn on my heels and will need quite some time to just process the weird situation I found myself in.


	6. Oh. No.

Chester is helping me with some details regarding a case I have and is standing behind my chair while I’m telling him about that weird situation that consisted of Barnaby, Felix and I meeting. And the obvious awkwardness that ensued. 

“Perhaps *he* is the weirdo. Ever thought of that?”, he grins and rolls his eyes. I just huff and shake my head. Pretty sure he’s the only sane one.  
“Sorry babe, but it’s definitely not you, promise.”  
Chester puts his arms around me and kisses my temple. Instinctively I just lean back, releasing a breath I didn’t realise I’ve been holding. I’m actually feeling a lot better.  
That is: until I raise my gaze and see Felix standing there, a few feet apart. Oh. Fuck. Panic. That’s what I feel. 

Did he hear and see it all? I can’t even put into words how awful I feel. Judging the look on his face, he’s seen and heard all of it. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! Where’s the abyss to jump into when you need it? I want to die *again*. I could slap myself. The look on his face just confirms everything. FUCK.

Felix approaches us, nods.  
Fortunately, Chester has removed his arms. Nevertheless: Felix seems aggravated.  
“The file”, he just says. I force myself to smile even though I don’t feel like smiling at all. “Thank you so much, Felix, really”, I manage to say, very much aware of both Chester’s and his gaze. Felix’ stare is so frosty, I can’t help shivering. He just nods and leaves without a word. “Fuck”, Chester finally says. “Yeah, I agree”, I mumble and feel like I just made Felix realise that I think he’s weird. 

Tiredly I rub my face. Fuck. FUCK.


	7. Meet-cute?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 Kudos. That’s 7 more than I expected.   
> Much love! 🖤

I barely see Felix anymore and after what went down, I can hardly blame him. If we happen to meet, he just nods. Not starting up a conversation anymore. Whenever he’s having lunch at the cafeteria, Charlotte is by his side. And I hate it. So much that I hardly eat and barely sleep. A look in the mirror tells me how awful I look. Sighing, I try to conceal the dark rings under my eyes and just give up. Need to get to the office now anyway.   
I stop dead in my tracks when I see Felix’ silhouette, standing in front of the lift. I hope he won’t see me so I can just take the next one. I don’t know how many cold encounters I can endure anymore. Alas. He spots me instantly and holds the door. Jesus. I swallow and hurry up. Not much else I can do without appearing as pathetic as I actually am, right?   
“Thanks”, I mumble and stand beside him. I feel Felix’ eyes on my face, every now and then. Did the lift always take a goddamn lifetime? I regret not spending more time fixing my face. Didn’t exactly expect to meet him.   
“Are you alright?” His dark voice almost makes me jump. I missed it. God, how I missed hearing his dark rumble. I missed HIM.   
I bite my lip in order not to burst into tears, smirk and nod. “Sure, just a stressful time.” *Because I miss you and regret it all*, I silently add.   
“If I can help you in anyway, just let me know, (y/n). Ok?” Had almost forgotten how lovely it sounds when he says my name.   
“Yeah”, I reply numbly and somehow manage to smile while I finally meet his penetrating gaze.   
A tiny, tiny smile spreads out on his face and I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped beating for a hot second. He squeezes my arm lightly and leaves the lift because we finally reached his floor, after those thousand years. 

The doors close and I release the breath I’ve been holding and let my head connect with the wooden panelling. I can’t help my stupid smile. For better or worse – Felix cares. Somehow. Even though I behaved how I did. Even though he heard Chester’s comment out of context.   
He’s such a good guy, I could weep.


	8. A break can not be caught

It’s been weeks since the lift-incident and although Felix acknowledges my existence again, it’s far from ideal. But I manage, somehow. Chester doesn’t push it either so I’m in a weird state, oscillating between being ok and dying every time I see him. Again: far from ideal. 

\- - - 

It’s late and I’m pretty sure I’m the last one at the office. Damn those files.   
I make my way to the kitchen to boil some water. A tea might help. Lost in my thoughts, I tune out everything around me. Only the screeching kettle manages to pull me back. I pour the hot water over the tea leaves and want to turn around.   
Nothing could have prepared me for Felix standing right behind me, way too close. So I jump and accidentally pour the hot liquid all over his torso. Has he been standing there the entire time? It takes a second before I realise what has happened.   
“Oh, shit. Felix. Oh my god. I’m so sorry!!!”  
Felix clenches his teeth and it’s apparent that he’s in pain after my involuntary attack. I put my mug away frantically and grab his soaking shirt. “Take it off!” I’m panicking and hardly realise what I’m doing even doing. It’s like I’m watching myself unbuttoning his shirt.   
“When did you even arrive? I neither heard nor saw you... I thought I was alone. Shit. Felix!”, I ramble on. While I’m talking, he’s just standing there. Watching me before he helps pulling the crisp white shirt off his too broad shoulders.   
That’s the moment I notice how close he is. And in a distracting state of undress. My mind comes to a screeching halt and I can’t help my eyes roam over his chest.  
The skin that had been doused in hot water is pink, yes, but apart from that – I can’t stop staring at his body. Like I suspected: The shirt hid more scarred skin. Some are barely noticeable, others aren’t healed and an angry red. They make up an enticing web across his muscular chest. Felix is beautiful. 

There’s one scar that looks exceptionally deep and dangerous, right below his heart. My breath hitches thinking about how he could have died from it. It takes a lot of discipline not to reach out and run my fingertips across it.   
The seconds pass and I’m embarrassed that I haven’t noticed how I’ve been staring, doing literally nothing else. It’s Felix who mumbles my name and snaps me out of it.   
I feel the violent blush spreading across my cheeks and finally (finally!) look at the ground. “Frigido”, I mumble and hope it soothes the pain and keeps his skin from developing blisters.   
He hurriedly puts on the shirt again. A second or two (or ten) passes before I raise my gaze again and meet his eyes.   
“Feeling better?” My voice sounds so high pitched.   
Felix nods. His stare is so intense, I don’t even know what to make of it.   
“I’m so sorry...”, I add. Again.   
Felix laughs humourlessly: “Don’t worry. As your thorough inspection surely made you realise: I’ve been worse.” It feels like a slap to the face. Before I can explain (or try to), he’s already out of reach. And I’m standing there, the tea almost forgotten but the aching in my heart very, very, very present. 

Here I had thought that things weren’t half bad. Way to ruin everything. Again.


	9. You don’t know what you can’t live without until you almost lose it.

After the tea-incident: silence. Felix makes a good job of totally ignoring me. If there’s a chance of not meeting me, he seems to take it. He also seems to have realised that he doesn’t want me in his life. Because I’m a horrible person. Because I fucked up.  
What baffles me is that Charlotte eats with her colleagues in the cafeteria - Felix is nowhere to be seen. He’s just... gone.  
My bad conscience knows no bounds. And my heart aches. I just want to see him. Know he’s fine. That’s all. 

– – – 

I’m staring out of the window, repressing a deep sigh. “Are you alright, (y/n)?”  
Chester’s voice makes me jump and try to regain my composure. “What? ... Uh, yes. Of course!” I force a smile.  
“So you haven’t heard...?”  
How he says it – it has to be bad news. My anxiety, which I’ve tried so hard to ignore, returns. “What?”  
“Rosier.”  
I immediately rush to him and apparently my very visible panic makes him speak up.  
“I just heard about it and now we also know why he’s been so absent... He’s been in Romania for the last two weeks. He’s been wounded. Hungarian Horntail. St Mungo’s.”  
Is this what dying feels like? Probably. It feels like a kick to the head. I can barely process what I’ve just heard. Just thinking, worrying, feeling the helplessness consume me.  
“I have to go to him.”  
There! Finally a coherent thought.  
Chester almost smiles and tells me that he already told our boss I need to take some hours off; he’ll cover my tasks.  
“Fuck, Chester. You’re the best.”  
And then I’m on my way to the hospital.


	10. Helpless

I’ve never liked hospitals but seeing Felix here is a new low. 

He’s so pale, sleeping in the hospital bed. There’s some kind of bandage across his torso and his shoulders that doesn’t cover all of his injuries. A deep gash is visible and my heart just picks up speed looking at it. He’s in pain, ffs. I just know that this isn’t his only wound. There are plenty hidden. 

“What are you doing...?”, I mumble. My voice sounds strained and tired even to my own ears. I try very hard not to cry and blink the tears away. Something other than my rationality has taken over so I can’t stop myself reaching out and brushing back a strand of dark hair. This is probably the first time I’m seeing him without impeccable hair. And the first time touching him like this. At all.   
It’s almost funny. Almost. Since he’s sleeping anyway, I’m using my time to memorise all of his features, finger tips running softly across his beautiful face. His creamy pale skin is soft and up close I can see a bunch of freckles covering it. My fingers glide across his scarred cheekbone when he suddenly opens his eyes. I immediately stop my ministrations and can’t react at all for a few moments. I feel like I’m being caught redhanded and curse the blush spreading across my face. Felix’ voice is soft and hoarse when he mumbles something that sounds a lot like “fever dream”. He doesn’t think this is real? Doubts that I’m actually here? I bite my lip and try to make use of the last courage I own to push my fingers into his soft hair and press a soft kiss to his forehead. 

His lashes flutter against my cheek. “Y/n..?”  
He sounds very confused, like he can’t believe what’s going on. And to be honest, neither can I. “I’m here”, I manage to whisper. “Get some sleep.”


	11. One step forward

I spent hours next to his bed and apparently I’ve fallen asleep at some point. I wake up to soft fingers caressing my cheek. I need a moment to realise where I am and that it’s actually Felix Rosier who’s been stroking my goddamn cheek while I’ve been sleeping. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins and I just open my eyes, flabbergasted, staring at him with wide eyes.  
Felix looks like he’s been experiencing a similar sensation. His beautiful eyes bore into mine. Suddenly it’s just us. Just us. Staring at another.  
“How are you?”, I finally mumble and straighten. 

He pulls a barely noticeable face and shrugs. Or at least he tries, but it’s apparent that the movement hurts him.  
“What are you doing here?”, he says after a second. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t sound like an accusation but a sincere closer examination. More like something someone would ask who’s at a loss for words.  
“Chester told me what happened. I just had to come. I’ve been... I’ve been worried sick”, I finally admit and lower my gaze. His bittersweet smile kills me. Again.  
“Chester...”, I murmur. He just stares at the ceiling. So Chester is what’s been holding him back? I smile or at least try to: “I know that you can’t stand each other but he made it possible that I can be here right now. He covers my shift.” I smile softly. I hope he understands why I’m here. Here’s me trying to be casual and unbothered. It doesn’t feel like I’m succeeding .  
“How long have you been an item?”  
Felix’ question throws me off. Me and Chester? What?! Felix’ cheeks have turned a delightful shade of pink. I need a second before I finally realise what’s going on. The endorphins are almost too much. And they make me brave, somehow. Finally his behaviour makes sense. Finally I know why he’s been acting the way he did.  
I lean down and murmur close to his ear that Chester and I have been best friends since forever. And then I softly press my lips to his.  
15 years. 15 years of pining.


	12. Too good to be true anyway

Felix‘ uninjured arm is around my neck and he pulls me closer.   
“(Y/n)...”, he just mumbles and deepens the kiss that’s better than I’ve imagined it. And that says a lot. I don’t want to remove myself from his embrace but do exactly that after a moment. I push a stray strand of grey-brown hair back. The smile that has spread across my face *has* to look almost demented. I know it.   
But Felix looks at me in a similar way. I lean forward again to press a soft kiss to his temple and take his hand. “Sleep”, I murmur and caress his knuckles with the pad of my thumb.   
We are silent for some seconds and it feels like an eternity and one second at the same tim.   
“I really hope that this isn’t a dream”, Felix whispers and I barely hear him.   
He closes his eyes.


	13. Miscommunication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me so long to post again. 
> 
> I hope the sort-of fluff and angst make up for it in a way?
> 
> Much love, always.

Since Felix is sleeping peacefully, I make my way to the cafeteria to grab a coffee and a snack.

My thoughts still run wild and the only thing that I manage to process, in a way, is the bottom line of all of them: I kissed Felix and he kissed me back. I can’t stop the goofy smile that spreads across my face and sigh softly, my eyes fluttering closed. I jump a little when someone sits down in front of me and of course it’s Chester. He studies my face for a second.

“Alright then. That smile means that you guys _finally_ talked about… you know… everything?”

“Finally?” I question and raise a brow, grinning. My cheeks flush nonetheless. My entire face feels hot.

„Sweetheart, I don’t think I would have survived watching you any longer. The pining, the sad looks, …”, Chester rolls his eyes dramatically before he gets serious again. “Rosier isn’t my favourite person, far from for it, but he _does_ seem like a decent guy.”

Surprised. That’s what I am. I tilt my head and look at him questioningly.

“Fine! I’ll admit it: Maybe I was a tad too harsh when it came to judging him.” He rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Chester”, I whisper and squeeze his hand.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt your stay here though. The ministry sent me to check up on Rosier. Make sure he’s not dying and all that jazz. You going up to his room soon?”

“You’re insufferable. But yes, Chester. Let’s go see that Felix is not dying and all that jazz.”

So we go back to the hospital room Felix is residing in. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest whenever I see his beautiful face, especially when he’s sleeping and looks so young and unguarded and _perfect_. As if he feels that someone has entered his room – or maybe it’s the sound of our voices, rescheduling our working times so I can spend a little more time with Felix –, Felix’ eyes open slowly, widening the second he sees Chester standing half behind me, his hand on my shoulder. His gaze flickers from Chester to me and back again.

“Hey, Rosier, get well soon!”, Chester manages and gives him a nod. Felix does the same and then stares out of the window as Chester pulls me into a tight hug and presses a kiss onto my temple before he leaves.

Once he’s gone, I occupy the seat next to Felix’ bed again and smile softly. He looks hurt.

“What’s wrong?”, I murmur uneasily because I fear that I might have hurt him again or maybe he needs more painkilling potions? My thoughts run a mile a minute.

Felix looks like he wants to say something, but he just shakes his head instead. His hands curl into fists and he’s barely looking at me, his cheeks flushed pink.

Does he really, _really_ think that our kiss was just a figment of his imagination, possibly powered by the pain medication?

Even though the silence is awkward and both of us apparently don’t know what to say, it takes Felix another few seconds – that feel like ages – before he speaks up again and actually asks if we, Chester and I, visited him because of the ministry. I’m baffled. Felix _does_ think it didn’t actually happen.

“Chester got the order to check up on you”, I reply and decide to be courageous. So I reach out and stroke a strand of hair back that has fallen into his forehead. Felix goes stock-still immediately. I ignore his behaviour and just let my fingertips glide along his elegant fingers and then upwards, gently caressing his scarred underarm.

“So… it wasn’t a dream?” Felix’ voice is barely audible, and he hardly dares to look at me until he does. My breath hitches in my throat. His dark brown eyes bore into mine, basically silently begging me to give him an answer. But _which one_? I feel like both options are very much possible:

Him either wanting me too or him actually regretting it because he was still hazy from the potion and the shock of the injury itself.

The insight that this was only something of a mistake for him kills me slowly. I’m actually afraid.

I pull my hands back and knead my fingers, mostly so I won’t touch him again instead. Every cell of my body wants to never let him go, actually.

Felix grows more impatient, too, it seems. Anxious. At last I just shake my head noncommittally and shrug my shoulders.

“We can also pretend that it never happened”, I mumble and hope that I don’t look as weak as I sound.

Silence.

I somehow manage to fight back the tears and force myself to smile despite it all.


	14. Believe me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay! I do hope some of you still read this.
> 
> Much love, always.

I know that if I stay a minute longer, I will cry. Ugly-cry. So I push back the chair in a hurry, ready to, well, flee. Maybe move to another country. Change my identity. Anything not to have to look at Felix’ beautiful face and soft lips, knowing how they feel on mine, mourning a person that’s not even dead, just unavailable. 

It takes me a hot second before I register that Felix’ hand has caught my wrist, slowly inching higher. My heart beats like a jackhammer, I’m paralysed, can’t move a finger, let alone take a deep breath. Felix’ hand tugs me closer, and I fall back into the seat. Not exactly elegantly.  
The silence is deafening, I’m still not entirely sure what’s happening. What I’m sure of is that I can’t lift my gaze and meet his. I will cry.  
Since I just sit there forlornly, Felix apparently feels the need to take action. Even though his shoulder is hurting, he puts his weight on his elbow to sit up. Without a word, he leans forward. His hand cups my cheek and he kisses me, softly murmuring my name.  
Overstimulation. Brain freeze. I don’t know what to call it, but I’m experiencing it.  
“Would rather face the dragon again, my shoulder be damned”, Felix breathes out when he breaks the kiss, and smiles. Before I even get the chance to reply, his mouth seals mine again, and he’s basically chanting my name. It’s happening and we’re both sufficiently conscious, I think giddily – and maybe stupidly. All I know is that it feels like something went off inside me, and now I can’t stop. But I should. He’s hurt, after all, and the sound of his heavy, laboured breathing tells me as much. Felix needs to rest and heal. Nothing is more important than him getting better, although I have to admit that being able to kiss and touch him is a close second.  
“Lie down”, I whisper, afraid to break the spell. Felix looks unhappily at me. He’s pouting.  
“You need to rest”, I try again, smiling a little, and shake out his pillow before he places his head on it again. I pull up the sheets and tuck him in, all while feeling his questioning gaze on my face.  
“And Chester is just your best friend, you say? He’s quite … touchy.”  
I look at him so quickly, I feel dizzy for a moment. Felix Rosier is jealous? I don’t reply instantly, busying myself with fixing his already neatly placed sheets. Finally I sit down next to him again, sighing.  
“We’ve been best friends for 16 years now”, I explain simply.  
Felix says nothing.  
“Hey”, I duck my head so I can look into his beautiful brown eyes, begging him silently to listen. “Give him a little credit.”  
The sound Felix makes is one of complete and utter disbelief.  
Alright then. Time to bring out the big guns.  
“Would it help to know that he had to put up with 15 years of me whining about a certain Slytherin prefect that I couldn’t get out of my head, no matter how much time passed? I think he would’ve thrown a fit if it continued any longer at the ministry.”  
I think I can see a very soft, very slow smile spread across his face. Taking a breath, I finally decide to explain the incident back at the office: Him walking in on me and Chester talking, thinking we were bullying him, talking behind his back. Felix just nods and lets out a long sigh. Still not convinced, then.  
“Rosier, I always knew you’d be my demise”, I finally admit – a tad dramatically – and lean down to kiss him.  
“I know the feeling”, he whispers against my lips. I look at him searchingly, brows knitting, since I don’t know what he means.  
“An annoying student, a source of chaos and havoc. The cause of almost losing the house cup. Several times. And way too young when we met.”  
My heart will burst soon. I can feel it. Speechless, I lean my forehead against his and just enjoy this blissful moment.  
“15 years later…” I hear the amused disbelief in Felix’ voice and can’t help the loving gaze with which I look at him, putting a soft kiss onto his forehead. Felix smiles happily, his eyes closing instantly. He burrows deeper into the pillow, letting the events of the day and the fatigue claim him at last. I try to gather my stuff as silently as possible – but to no avail: Felix’ eyes crack open again, his voice so low I need to strain myself to understand him.  
“Please don’t go yet.”  
Even if this is the pain medication talking, I’ll take it.  
I slide the chair closer to where his head lies and cautiously cup his cheek, thumb brushing over his sharp cheekbone. In a heartbeat, Felix has closed his eyes again, and sighs contentedly. Without realizing it at first, I start carding my fingers through his silky hair. The sound leaving Felix’ throat does things to me. Completely unaware of it, he just inches closer, putting his head nearer to my hand. With a soft chuckle, I continue my ministrations. Allowing myself to memorise every centimetre of his breathtakingly beautiful face, scars or not.  
Felix just lies there, basking in the soft touches I provide until he has finally fallen asleep again. While it does pain me to leave his side, there’s no way around it anymore. Visiting hours are definitely over.  
“See you tomorrow”, I whisper and let myself run my fingers through his soft hair, marvelling at how much I love being able to touch him like this, one last time for today.


	15. Soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates. The Draco-fic has been keeping me busy (and a tad more inspired).
> 
> There will be one more chapter, and maybe a timestamp later.
> 
> Much love, always.

Felix is almost fully recovered when we have our first actual date. His hair is impeccable as always, the soft brown-grey strands parted and so soft-looking, I want to burrow my fingers in it immediately. The black suit and crisp white shirt don’t exactly help me in my Don’t-faint-because-he’s-so-gorgeous-resolution. He looks dashing.

“Hi”, he says, a smile tugging at his lips. Without further ado, Felix pulls me into a tight embrace.

I instinctively burrow my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar, intoxicating smell. I highly doubt I’ll ever get enough of this. Him.

– – –

The moon is lighting up the room, and I almost wish it would be even brighter so I could really _see_ the beautiful man in front of me whose shirt I’m buttoning open and removing carelessly. The scars are as impressive as are his abs. With a frown, I run a finger over the barely-healed shoulder.

“Well, I guess I’m what they call ‘damaged goods’”, Felix badly jokes.

I stare at him, not impressed by the joke at all and unsure what to say.

“I… I saw the way you looked at me…”, he stares at a point over my shoulder, his voice getting lower and lower.

He must mean our first meeting at the Ministry after those 15 years, and the unfortunate incident in the tea kitchen.

“You’re such an idiot”, I mutter, half angry, half horrified that he apparently thinks the scars would make any difference to me. Better to show him, then. Every scar I can reach gets a soft kiss. At the first one, Felix stiffens slightly.

“Never thought they were repulsive, just interesting. They make you, well, _you._ Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

My fingers brush over the scar running across his cheek.

“What I actually do _not_ like is thinking about the many times you’ve been hurt yet.”

Felix says nothing for a while before he kisses me so ardently, it’s me who’s left speechless.

“So… You don’t mind them?”

I almost want to roll my eyes at this beautiful idiot.

“Felix Rosier. You are _by far_ the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. So beautiful, that I spent the last 15 years comparing everyone I met to you. I’m probably cursed and will have to continue to do so in the next decades.”

“Maybe you need to get your eyes checked?”, he jokes. Here I thought I was bad at accepting compliments. His eyes are soft though, so full of adoration that it makes my head spin. I swallow the lump in my throat and let myself be pulled closer to Felix who immediately starts kissing me.

Sometimes a kiss says more than a thousand words anyway. The only word I’m capable of uttering is his name. I let my head fall back as his hands roam over my body and get to know every centimetre.

I wake up before Felix does and blink sleepily. His handsome face is so peaceful, a soft smile adorning it. His hair is a mess, of course, mussed-up and wild. Not a surprise since I spent a lot of time running my fingers through it last night.

This might be my new favourite pastime though: looking at Felix, taking in every scar, every wrinkle, every freckle. I would prefer it if I could do this forever.

A nice thought. Smilingly, I inch closer, pressing myself to his warm body. His bare chest is now fully visible, and so is the network of scars on it. I suppose these are the moments where he can’t stop me looking at them. It almost resembles modern art, those intricate lines of white, silverish, and red scars. My index finger carefully traces the angriest looking scar that starts a little below his heart and looks very, very deep. The thought that he could have _died_ makes me choke up.

“Romanian Longhorn”, a husky voice tells me all of a sudden, pulling me out of my thoughts. So much for thinking he was still asleep.

Somehow the thought I could have lost him so many times has etched itself into my brain. Instead of commenting or asking more about that particular injury, I wordlessly burrow deeper into his embrace, hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

“(Y/n)? Are you alright?”

Felix starts rubbing my back soothingly. I let out an embarrassing sob and tell him that I’m glad he didn’t die. Not exactly the best choice of words, but oh well. Felix chuckles lowly, the sound making his chest vibrate.

“I’m serious”, I huff, grabbing a handful of messy hair and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Felix’ gaze is affectionate and something else is there too, something deeper. Before either of us can analyse that further, he pulls me even closer. His arms squeeze my waist gently, saying more than words could right now. Especially when it comes to a person like Felix.


End file.
